An Open Letter to US Airways Customer Service

Dear US Airways,

I have a couple of small requests that may help improve your customer service.

First of all, when sticking travelers on a small-ass plane so tiny that these passengers have to sit evenly across the plane to ensure that the plane will remain airborne, please do not have your flight attendant come over the microphone and ask for volunteers to move from the front of the plane to the back of the plane to "balance the wings of the aircraft". Doing so may cause certain typically non-nervous fliers to feel a tiny bit uncomfortable with being stuck inside a small-ass wing-unbalanced airplane for two hours. If the fate of the aircraft is resting on the willingness of two old men in Hawaiian shirts to move from row 2 to row 11 so as to "balance the wings" may I suggest that you use a BIGGER AIRPLANE. If this is not possible, please remember that sometimes ignorance really is bliss. Passengers don't need to know about wing imbalances, engine problems, de-icing or that the landing gear is being held together by duct tape. A better approach would be for the flight attendant to say: "The first two passengers in row 2 to move back to row 11 will win a super cool prize!" and then give the winners a super cool prize, preferably an item from the "Sky Mall" catalogue. This makes a fun game out of it and no one needs to know that the plane will fly all willy-nilly if the people don't move their seats.

Also, in the event that a certain customer whose first name rhymes with "picky" and whose last name starts with a "T" inadvertently leaves his driver's license on the airplane after arriving for a layover in Philadelphia, please do not wait until said traveler and his wife are at the opposite end of the terminal, which is about 5.6 miles from the gate, before making the announcement over the loud speaker. And, once the customer his wife arrive back at the gate after sprinting the entire 5.6 miles to retrieve the lost license, it is helpful to actually have an employee working at the gate, not huddled in the corner reading a novel and ignoring the customers at the gate. And, if the employee is too absorbed in his novel to even look up when asked for help and tells the customer that his license is "somewhere on the desk" it would be helpful if the license were actually somewhere on the desk. And if the customer should have the nerve to interrupt the employee again to tell him that the license is not on the desk, it would be helpful if the employee didn't roll his eyes and say "it's the small plastic thing with your picture on it" in a sarcastic tone before finally getting up and realizing that the lost license was not, in fact, on the desk, but in a drawer. Call me crazy, but I am fairly certain that the TSA frowns upon random customers rifling through the desks and drawers at the terminal gates to retrieve lost items. They may consider this to be a possible breach of security, thereby making the customer's trip even less pleasant.

Thank you for your time. I hope you find these suggestions helpful.
Dames
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More fun adventures from our trip to Nashville coming soon! I bet y'all can't wait!

This post is about rice cakes. Run! Run away while you still can.

I have an announcement to make. I love the Stew Leonard's rice cakes. I don't know why. I am not really a rice cake eater, but there is just something in that light and crispy texture makes these so addicting. There may not be much there in the taste department (come on, they're rice cakes after all) but they are sooo crispy and satisfying. And although each one is only a little bit smaller than a dinner plate, they still only have 17 calories each, which is a good thing because I devour them morning, noon and night. Did I mention I love them? I may need to get a grip.


Yeah, I actually Googled "pictures of Stew Leonard's rice cakes" and this is what I got, one picture, which is approximately one picture more than I thought I would get.

Of course, I've found plenty of ways to obliterate their low -calorie count. I've tried them topped with fresh fruit and whipped cream, dipped in yogurt, spread with spinach dip, and once, in a holy-crap-its-midnight-and-I-still-have-hours-worth-of-work-to-do moment of weakness, I dipped them in Hershey's syrup while standing in front of the open fridge. Don't judge me.

So, at work yesterday I had a craving for something sweet, but had nothing to snack on other than some of my trusty rice cakes. Suddenly, I had an epiphany: cinnamon-sugar rice cakes! Happy day! Sadly, I soon found that our office cupboard contained only the following items: hand wipes, a thousand packets of Sweet & Low, hot sauce, a first aid kit, an empty Kashi cereal box, a petrified english muffin and tube of toothpaste. (Yes, this is a corporate office for a restaurant!) No cinnamon or real sugar to be found, so, begrudgingly, I ate the rice cakes dipped in toothpaste.

Ok, not really, I ate them plain and they were still damn good, for rice cakes.

Thank you for reading an entire post about rice cakes. You may now resume with your normal lives.

Sincerely,
Dames

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P.S. (and this has nothing to do with rice cakes, thank God) -

Rest in peace Estelle Getty! Thank you for being a friend.

Little Jen - you didn't happen to inquire about her recently, did you?

My iPod is a Genius!

I don't normally spend the time to fill out all of those annoying Myspace survey thingies that come my way, but I thought this one was kinda cool. Basically what you do is set your iPod (or Zune or generic mp3 player, we don't discriminate here) to shuffle and answer the following questions by scrolling through the songs. Each new song that pops up is the answer to the question. NO CHEATING by scrolling past songs that don't work for the question.

I did it and I have so say the results surprisingly funny, and some of them were right on. I guess my iPod is a genius!

Here are the results of my survey...

1) How am I feeling today?
Only Wanna Be With You - Hootie & the Blowfish

2) How will I feel getting married?
Well, I'm already married, but the answer is Marshall Mathers - Eminem (hmmmm?)

3) What is my best friend's theme song?
Lord Have Mercy on My Soul - Black Oak Arkansas. (hahaha)

4) High school is...
My Generation - Limp Bizkit (well, almost)

5) I am...
At This Point in My Life - Tracey Chapman (how redundant... Thanks iPod!)

6) How is today?
Getting Better - Beatles (It will get better once I finish at the Dentist!)

7) What is in store for this week?
Shiny Happy People - REM (oh, goody, showers!)

8) What song best describes my parents?
Bubble Toes - Jack Johnson (um, gross, no.)

9) How is my life going?
Gangsta Shit - Snoop Dog with Loon (hahahaha again!)

10) What song will they play at my funeral?
No Woman No Cry - Bob Marly & The Wailers (thanks alot!)

12) My friends think...
Africa Bamba - Santana (ok then)

13) My life is lived...
Tangled - Maroon 5

14) This makes me happy...
Waterfalls - TLC (I could write a whole blog about this song, and why it is in my iPod)

15) What should I do with my life?
Fast Car - Tracy Chapman(wait, this isn't Ricky's iPod, is it?)

16) I'll be happy when...
Why Georgia - John Mayer (Actually, I will be happy when this song is deleted from my playlist because I HATE it)

17) What is some good advice?
Not Fair - Shaggy

18) What do I think my current theme song is?
Perfect Blue Buildings - Counting Crows (like my house? Haha, NOT)

19) What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
Jump Jive An'Wail - The Brian Setzer Orchestra

20) The type of men/women I like are...
You Oughta Know - Alanis Morisette (Touche, iPod, touche!)

21) How will you feel on your wedding day?
Again, I am already married, but: Killing Me Softly - The Fugees (boooo!)

22) What should I do with my love life?
Let it Be - Nick Cave (Now I am getting scared)

23) What will your neighborhood be like?
Animal - Pearl Jam (Like all of the animals in my backyard?)

24) What will your dying words be?
Cannonball - Damien Rice (apparently I will die during the Revolutionary War)

Leave Love

****EDIT - 1:27pm on Tuesday, July 15****
I guess only my pie-liking sister reads this blog, but that's ok! Like I said, I write it for my own amusement, so I really don't care. I have to ask, though, if I am writing and no one is reading, does that mean that I am talking to myself? :)

-Dames


You know what annoys me? People who intentionally solicit comments on their Myspace pages or blogs. You know the type, the people who post a bulletin on Myspace that they have new pictures and then ask their friends to comment or "leave love". It's fine to inform your friends that you've posted 63 new pictures of your drunken night at the bar, but to actually ask people to leave comments about how awesomely hot you look in the 63 pictures of your drunken night of the bar is, well, kinda pathetic. The same goes for blogs. I've actually stopped reading two different blogs because the authors got all snippy when not enough people commented on the author's crappy day at work or how *adorable* their children look in their school pictures.

This blog is a way for me to write down the random thoughts and stories that are tumbling around in my head at any given time. It also gives me something to do while I'm at work during my free time. I don't write for the comments because, frankly, I think I would be disappointed if I did. Plus, I doubt that anything I write actually merits any sort of comment or debate. I am doing this for fun. If you enjoy my stories - welcome! Pull up a chair, grab a snack and check back every now and then for updates. If you think my stories suck well then you can just go pound sand!

With all that being said, I am curious to know whether anyone actually reads this blog (other than a few friends who have mentioned that they read it) or whether I am writing into some barren void of the bloggersphere. (Wow, that was a dorky sentence, wasn't it?) So, just this once, I am asking anyone who reads this post to leave a quick comment. Your comment can be about whatever you want, whether it be "Hi Dames", "this blog sucks" or "I like pie". You can comment anonymously or leave your name, we're all friends here so it doesn't matter either way. After that, feel free to go back into lurkerdom if you wish, because I promise I will never solicit anyone to "leave love" again.

Thanks,
Dames

Inventory

This inventory was taken on Wednesday, July 2, 2008 at 7:30 pm.

Squirrels collecting acorns in the backyard: 2

Fat woodchucks eating grass in the backyard: 4

Adorable cottontail bunnies chillin in the backyard: 1

Incessantly noisy tree frogs making noise in the backyard: 1

Bored-sounding owls barely making an effort in the backyard: 1

Other assorted birds flying around the backyard: at least 10

Lazy-ass indoor cats curled up asleep in our bed who couldn't care less about the wildlife party going in the backyard: 2

Chances I will be able to grow a successful vegetable in the backyard this year: 0

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In other news, I accidentally flushed one of my socks down the toilet at the gym today. Before my workout.

Survey: If that happened to you would you -
a) proceed with your workout wearing only one sock
b) proceed with your workout wearing no socks
c) skip the workout, go home and eat ice cream

Your input is very important to me in the likely event that this will happen to me again sometime in the future.

Thanks,
Dames